Come On In: The Art of Hospitality

Though God's Word says to use hospitality one to another, it has become easier said than done in most homes.

Hospitality really is a Bible command: “Use hospitality one to another without grudging” (1 Peter 4:9), but many twenty-first-century ladies don’t want to have anybody in their house--not today, not tomorrow, not this year, maybe never. It’s easy for us to want everything to be perfect before having someone over. It’s self-preservation.

Admittedly, if we know someone is coming it’s nice to not leave undies and such hanging in the bathroom. I do recall a couple who invited us over for Sunday lunch years ago and, lo and behold, those things were--not in the bathroom (a giant turtle was soaking in the tub there). They were hanging on drying racks in the living room! My first thought was “they knew we were coming!”

Aside from hiding personal things (and putting the turtle out of the tub) before we open the door, hospitality is not the art of making everything perfect before someone arrives. It’s the art of making someone glad they came.

A gracious woman knows that a welcoming home is not necessarily a spotless home. It is a home where people feel noticed, and comfortable, and cared for.

Hospitality says, “I’m glad you’re here.” Gracious living says, “Let me make your time here a little sweeter.” And thankfully, neither one requires a perfectly decorated house, a gourmet meal, or a personality that naturally entertains a crowd!

Hospitality is about more than having people over. We build it up in our minds as an event: “Company is coming!” And suddenly we see every dust bunny, every fingerprint, and every pile of papers that we have successfully ignored for three weeks.

But biblical hospitality is bigger than entertaining. Biblical hospitality is using what we have to bless the people God puts in our path. Sometimes that means a beautifully set table, but often it just means a cup of coffee and a listening ear, or making room for a widow, or a new family at church, or a college student who can’t get home.

Sometimes hospitality is as simple as saying, “Come sit with me.” Gracious living begins before the door opens. It’s a way of carrying ourselves through ordinary life. It isn’t reserved for company.

A gracious woman notices when someone needs help. She remembers names, writes thank-you notes, offers the better seat, speaks kindly about people who aren’t present, and doesn’t make others feel like an inconvenience.

The goal is not to become impressive. The goal is to become pleasant to be around, to be comfortable in our own skin and in our own home, so that others will be comfortable there too



The Art of the Welcome: Practical Tips for Hospitality

Practical Tip #1: Learn the Art of the Welcome

When someone walks through your door, stop what you can reasonably stop. Look up. Smile. Use their name. Say something that lets them know you are genuinely glad to see them.

Instead of: “Sorry about the mess,” say: “Come in, I'm so glad you're here.”

A warm welcome can make an ordinary house feel like a beautiful home.

The next time someone comes to your house, practice welcoming them before worrying about impressing them.

Practical Tip #2: Keep a "Company Basket"

Here's a little secret: You don't have to clean the entire house. Keep an attractive basket or bin available for those things that tend to wander around the house—papers, toys, shoes, mail, chargers, and miscellaneous objects that apparently have no permanent address.

When unexpected company is coming: Gather. Toss. Close the door. You have just discovered the ancient art of strategic hospitality. The goal is not deception. The goal is perspective. Your guests came to see you, not to conduct a white-glove inspection (hopefully).

Practical Tip #3: Have Three Easy Things You Can Serve

Hospitality becomes much easier when you don't have to reinvent the wheel every time someone comes over.

Choose three simple offerings you can make almost without thinking.

For example:

The Coffee Visit: Coffee + something sweet

The Casual Lunch: Soup + bread + fruit

The Easy Supper: One dependable main dish + salad + dessert

Hospitality doesn't have to mean preparing half a dozen dishes and spending six hours in the kitchen. It is especially helpful to have a specialty dish you can make with your eyes closed (not really with your eyes closed). Keep those ingredients and some basic, quick things on hand.

Sometimes hospitality can mean: “I have soup on the stove. Come sit down and join me.”

Practical Tip #4: Make Ordinary Things Feel Special

Gracious living is often found in the little touches. Use the pretty dishes occasionally. Light a candle.

Put fresh flowers in a small vase. Fold the napkins nicely. Serve lemonade in a pitcher instead of handing everyone a bottle. Put a bowl of chocolates or mints on the table.

These things don't have to be expensive. They simply communicate: “You are worth the effort.”

And that is really what gracious living does. It turns an ordinary moment into a remembered one.

Practical Tip #5: Become a Good Guest

Hospitality has two sides. We should know how to host graciously—and how to be hosted graciously.

A gracious guest:

• arrives when expected
• doesn't overstay
• offers to help
• compliments sincerely
• doesn't criticize the food, house, children, or schedule
• leaves things as she found them
• sends a thank-you message or note
• notices the effort someone made

And perhaps most importantly: She doesn't make her hostess nervous. If someone serves you slightly overcooked chicken, you don't need to become a food critic. Eat the chicken. Enjoy the company. Thank your hostess. Grace wins.

Practical Tip #6: Don't Wait for Perfect

One of the greatest enemies of hospitality is the sentence: “I'll do it when I have more time.”

We'll have people over when the house is finished. We'll invite someone when we can afford the perfect meal. We'll decorate when the dining room is finished. We'll entertain when life calms down.

But life rarely sends us an engraved invitation announcing, “Congratulations! Everything is finally under control. You may now practice hospitality.” Open the door anyway. Use what you have. Serve what you can. Make room.

Practical Tip #7: Practice the "One More"

At the table, ask: “Can we fit one more?”

At church: “Is there someone sitting alone?”

At a gathering: “Who hasn't been included?”

In conversation: “Who needs to be encouraged?”

Hospitality is often nothing more complicated than making room.

Jesus noticed people others overlooked. A gracious Christian woman should do the same.

Practical Tip #8: Cultivate the Gracious Conversation

A gracious home needs more than good food. It needs good conversation.

Practice asking questions that get people talking: “How did you become interested in that?” “Where did you two meet?” “How can I pray for you?” “What has been happening in your life lately?”

And then—listen. You don't have to have the most interesting story in the room.

Sometimes the most gracious thing we can give someone is our undivided attention.

Practical Tip #9: Don't Make People Earn Your Hospitality

Hospitality should not be reserved for our favorite people. It is easy to welcome the people we already love. The greater challenge is welcoming the person who is awkward, lonely, new, different, or difficult. That doesn't mean ignoring wisdom or healthy boundaries. It means remembering that hospitality is ministry, not merely socializing.

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Hebrews 13:2).

Practical Tip #10: Leave People With Something Sweet

And I'm not talking about dessert. Although dessert certainly helps. Leave people with a kind word: a compliment, a Scripture, a hug, a note, a reminder that they are loved. Sometimes the most memorable part of hospitality isn't what was served. It is how someone felt when they left.

 
A Little Gracious-Living Challenge

This week, try these five things:

1. Invite someone in. It doesn't have to be elaborate.

2. Use the good dishes. Don't save everything beautiful for someday.

3. Send one handwritten note. Tell someone you appreciate them.

4. Notice someone who may be overlooked. Sit with them. Talk to them. Include them.

5. Practice one gracious habit. Choose one—listening, thanking, welcoming, remembering names, offering help—and deliberately practice it all week.

The Beautiful Secret

The beautiful secret of hospitality is this: People rarely remember whether your house was perfect.

There’s a saying, “People may not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

They remember whether they felt welcome.

They remember whether you listened.

They remember whether you noticed.

They remember whether there was laughter around the table.

They remember whether they could relax.

They remember whether they felt like they belonged.

So open the door.

Put on the kettle.

Light the candle.

Use the pretty dishes.

Move the pile of laundry.

And invite someone to come on in.

Because a gracious home isn't a home where everything is perfect.

It is a home where grace has a place at the table.

Hospitality isn't about having a house worthy of company. It's about having a heart willing to make room.