Why be Difficult?

"Sorry, not sorry" has become a popular thing to say on social media when someone has found another's actions to be less than honorable. It is a non-apology. Cambridge calls it a "fauxpology." It means that whoever said it has no remorse for their actions, even if they should, such as the person who eats the last piece of cake. Are they sorry? No, not really, right? And we aren't happy that they did it!

My mother used to humorously say when we were growing up, "Why be difficult when with a little effort you could be totally impossible?" Difficult people are part of our spiritual training program, our sanctification process. While they are annoying and not going away anytime soon, it behooves us to learn from them and set a better course of action for ourselves.

So, what does a sincere apology look like? To issue the most Christlike (and effective) apology, we must own our part of the blame. It's tempting to say something like, "I'm sorry, but you started it" or "If I have done something to offend you, I'm sorry." We should try to avoid both the "but" apology and the "if" apology." We also want to avoid the somewhat flippant "I'm sorry you feel that way" apology since it focuses on their reaction rather than on our own behavior.

That being said, we must graciously listen first. Allow the other person to explain why they feel the way they do--and try not to interrupt or be defensive (a hard job indeed!). When it's our turn to talk, we must be specific. Instead of simply saying, "I'm sorry," say exactly what caused the offense: "I'm sorry I was an hour late." In person, it is also important to mind our body language. Being relaxed and sincere goes a long way toward healing hurts.

The Bible says that in handling offenses wisely, we might "gain a brother." What a good outcome from something that could have been a lifelong hindrance, and sad testimony, for both parties involved. We must cheerfully forgive--for Christ's sake and the gospel's, and for our own.